Have you ever noticed that religious books always portray prophets as raving lunatics? These people are always talking to divine beings, hiding in the desert, and predicting the downfall of civilizations. Pretty wild!

Well, I can pretty much guarantee that these aren’t autobiographical accounts. If they were autobiographical accounts, then they’d probably read more like this:

Holy fucking hell. I just spent the last 5 days connecting and reconnecting the dots for these morons, and they still don’t have a clue what I’m talking about. The seismic data very clearly indicates that their “Holy Mountain” is actually an active volcano, and it’s due to erupt any day now. I finally gave up and told them that God was very angry at them, and demanded that they repent in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. This at least spooked some of them into camping in the desert for a few weeks. With any luck, they’ll be out of harm’s way when the inevitable happens.

For my next miracle, I’m gonna invent fucking aspirin to deal with my fucking headache. FUCK!