Today is just another Wednesday. As usual, I’m working from my apartment while I wait out this pandemic.
Meanwhile, there is also a crowd of conservatives amassing within the city. They legitimately believe that the presidential election was somehow stolen from Trump, and they are here to let everybody know about it.
Who stole the election? Why, the Democrats, of course! The same Democrats who are supposedly too inept to even hold a state caucus without completely fucking it up. Somehow or another, they managed to forge thousands — possibly millions — of fraudulent votes for Joe Biden. Furthermore, they orchestrated this operation across every state, and did so in a manner that was almost completely undetectable! Court case after court case has been dismissed due to the lack of evidence.
That just shows how deep the Deep State must really be!
Meanwhile, everybody is waiting anxiously as Congress formally verifies the electoral college votes. Several Republican members of Congress have already objected to counting the electoral votes from the battleground states. Likewise, Trump has been demanding that Mike Pence discard all of these votes, which would then cause Trump to retroactively win the election. As our enlightened conservative visitors are aware, this is not at all a thing that a dictator would do. No, Trump is just able to see the massive fraud that has somehow eluded our entire legal system for the last 2 months. He’s trying to rescue our country’s very soul from the liberals! The communists! The socialists! The baby-killers! The demons!
He’s the fucking Messiah, God Damnit! If you people don’t understand that, then we’re coming back with rifles and starting a Civil War!
Meanwhile, today is just another Wednesday. I should probably get back to work.